i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
