My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
