Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Drunk is not a location!
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
