They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Randomize
