i need an iv and a liver transplant
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
