Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
