You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
