Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
