Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
