Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
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