you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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