dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
