Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
