the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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