This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
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