Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
