Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
