Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
