Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
