I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
