I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
