So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
