we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
