hell yes lets make some ravioli
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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