and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I have post one night stand depression
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
