My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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