I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I booty called her while she was in labor.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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