he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
