Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
