So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
