I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
