um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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