I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
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