I'm going to jail i love you
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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