You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Randomize
