bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
