The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
