They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
