Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
