Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
