I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
