he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize