woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
