I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
