does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
