if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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