I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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