What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
