You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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