Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Randomize
