She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
