I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
