whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
