Are we in a gay sports bar?
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Someone came in the potted fern
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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