Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
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