have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
