his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
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