I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
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