he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
