OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
