Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
