She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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