allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
