my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
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