I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
