i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
