He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
