so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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